he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
