I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
