dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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