You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
