I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Why is your signature on my underwear?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
