If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Randomize
