omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much rum. So many feels.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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