I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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