I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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