I can't watch pbs sober anymore
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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