So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
