hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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