I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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