Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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