i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
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I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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