dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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