im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
