tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
