is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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