Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
