before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
