Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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