If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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