Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
