how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
