It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
