My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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