He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
