I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
