so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
