Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
