seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
