Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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