The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
MIDGETS
????
i think my cat just said my name.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
