the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
