We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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