Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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