im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
