im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
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I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
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How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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