My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dignity is for republicans.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
