the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
