oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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