Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
