Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
