The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize