Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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