Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
false alarm. still invincible.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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