ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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