Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
