her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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