blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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