don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
