I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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