I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
