Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
