her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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