I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
