Farmville is her only friend.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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