Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
