you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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