First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
