were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize