my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
