At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
