Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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