I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
